i am an attempted murderer

When I was 6 years old I was so jealous of another girl’s beauty that first I cut off her hair and then I tried to kill her.

Yes, you read that right.

No, it is not an exaggeration.

Friends, this is why I was a little scared terrified to start sharing the lies I’ve believed but whatever, i’m doing this because of a request from God, not to win your approval so let’s proceed. (Quick disclaimer: if you are jumping in on my blog for the very first time, you might want to head on back to this post to quickly bring yourself up to speed.)

Photo: My younger brother and I

PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE

Her name was Charlie. Her parents were going through a bit of a rough spot so my parents offered to let her stay at our house for a bit. I didn’t know Charlie very well but it didn’t take me long to decide that I didn’t like her. I don’t recall Charlie directly doing anything to make me not like her. What she did do was redirect my parents attention off of me and on to her. I stood back and saw my mom and dad fussing over her, attending to her needs, talking about how cute she was and all kinds of revolting things. I didn’t really get it because Charlie had just barely arrived and I’d be there like, forever, so what in the world would make my parents suddenly change sides like that?

Clearly, my perspective as an adult shines a laser beam of clarity on the situation. In an effort to make Charlie feel comfortable in what must have been a potentially sad or scary situation, my parents went above and beyond to shower her with welcome. My 6 year old self did not understand this. What I did know was that suddenly I was playing second fiddle to the new North Star. In my feeble attempt to rationalize their behavior I scrutinized the situation. What I saw was illuminating. Charlie was in fact very pretty and she possessed the most remarkable blond, curly hair that I’d ever seen. As I reflected on my own appearance, it was painfully clear that my straight brown hair could never compare. The lie stealthily slipped in: the pretty girls get all the attention.

Continue reading “i am an attempted murderer”

comparison crap | my first 5K

I’ve never done this before. In fact, the concept still seems to lack a sense of sagacious* forethought.

my first 5K

Nevertheless, I have woken up at 5:30 in order to be ready to take my place behind this starting line. In all ironic honesty, I paid money to wake up early and stand behind this line.

my first 5K

I can’t help but wonder what the high-school version of myself would have thought of this unexpected twist. I–the girl who saw no logic in running unless it was from something dangerous or toward home plate–is about to run 5 Kilometers for the pure challenge of it. Continue reading “comparison crap | my first 5K”

less excuses, more accountability

It’s been crickets here on the blog for over a week. We’ve all been soaking up long overdue grandma and grandpa time in Minnesota.

The kids have rediscovered forgotten toys hidden deep in upstairs closets. Trent has been diligently working his way down a list of RV updates and repairs and I’ve been playing monopoly and dominoes, reading, sewing and working out. It’s been awesome. All of it. Except maybe for the working out. That’s been super tough.

LESS EXCUSES

In April I told you that I was working on developing a habit of regular exercise. In the spirit of transparency, I thought I’d check in and let you know how that has been going.
January: 0 workouts
February: 0 workouts
::NEW HABIT BEGINS::
March: 20 workouts
April: 24 workouts
May: 16 workouts
June: 13 workouts
July: 4 workouts
So that downward trend is less than awesome. I have excuses all lined up and ready but I’m not going to bother with them. Continue reading “less excuses, more accountability”