still here

I’m still here–both literally and figuratively. About three months ago I came head-on with the fact that in all the uncertainty of our future, my only job was to trust.  I haven’t written in the past few months because my job description has remained the same, the status of our house is unchanged and it isn’t easy to write about nothing on a consistent basis (unless of course your name ends in Seinfeld).

That said, “nothing” is not entirely accurate.  We did have a recent burst of excitement that eventually fizzled into nothing. We had our first (and only) house showing on Halloween and a few days later the same couple came back for a second look.  Leading up to the news of this first showing, both Trent and I had really settled into the fact that this process might take a while, that our house might not sell until spring, if at all.  We had analyzed the situation from every possible angle and carefully chosen the key elements to focus on in order to highlight the benefits of ‘not moving’.  As one friend stated, “mentally, I’ve taken your house off the market”. 

However, when we got news of our first showing and then later the second follow-up showing, we found that it took very little time to switch mental gears and reorganize the key focus elements to the benefits of ‘moving’. Although we earnestly prayed that God would lead the situation and only sell it if that was His best for us, I’m not going to lie, I was almost certain this was “it.” I was mentally packing. This first couple to look at our house would be the last. Our offer was coming in at any moment and our next adventure was about to begin.  Only, it didn’t work out that way.  The house was great but the shop wasn’t what they were looking for.

This unexpected news jolted me and I resented the emotional journey I had just taken. My recovery time was sluggish. I took a nap, I sulked around, my eyes watered a tad. In fact, I looked a lot like my three-year old does when he doesn’t get his way.  Then, by God’s design, Trent and I decided to watch the movie “Life Is Beautiful” and we were given the amazing gift of perspective. Look at anything with the right lens and you will see with more clarity. In this case, we were able to see that we were acting like brats and we got over ourselves and surrendered once again to God’s plan, wisdom and timing. If our house sells, I am happy to know it will be God’s perfect orchestration. If it doesn’t, I will be able to look back and know that we were willing and move forward in confidence exactly where we are.

We aren’t really in our true “place” yet.  The place we were made for is coming; no place feels quite right until we are home. -Jennie Allen, Restless

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